I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
