It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
