I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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