Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize