well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize