Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
