I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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