I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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