i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
