you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
