i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
