That's when you crack a 10am beer
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
