How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
