got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
