i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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