i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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