I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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