she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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