Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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