I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
