ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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