WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize