I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just cropdusted the office
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
