i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
