dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
