is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
