highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
