9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
