He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
