you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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