I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize