my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
