I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
