remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize