I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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