I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
