I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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