I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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