Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
