All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
