I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
