I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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