Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
