he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
