You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
