Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
