In the future we'll all be gay
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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