I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
