I met the friendliest cop last night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
