Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
