can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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