I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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