hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
