I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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