How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize