i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
