You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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