dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
