hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
