My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
