Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
