I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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