Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
