yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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