i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
