I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize