you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
