I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
