Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
