Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
