I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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