i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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