K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
