Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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