on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
