peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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