How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
