Farmville is her only friend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
