And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
