Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
