I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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