idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
