Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
